Time will tell

It takes time. Good things have to wait. Time will tell everything. 

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I don't believe much anymore.  

I've come into this state that all the time is not telling me anything and just let me understand better that nothing falls from the sky. If Time can tell everything, the good things comes with Time, where are the things I was wishing for? I waited 3 years, 5 years, 9 years and eventually 11 years to get married. Whole 11 years I have not expected myself to dull over rejections and trying my best to come out of them. It just feels like my words always don't make sense and I have unknowingly clicked follow for these years. 

Sometimes it is best to be left unsaid. Or not. Maybe I'm not good with words or not good at convincing. But I find myself talking about it and ended up dissuading or comforting myself or probably in denial. 

Its been 1 year since the time baby topic is being addressed formally. Bad memories and hard times for me. Now, this is like being brought up and I'm being crushed once again. 

It can be easy to brush it off but why is it so hard for me to do so? I felt like I didnt get a chance to make it happen or make the decision and have to follow along. A lot of times I questioned myself, why can't I do it? I ended up with just waiting for things to happen. 

Why do I end up being a follower? Since when have I been unhappy about this matter? Why do I have to be so affected by this? I'm like following a timeline which I have no idea where it leads to. How about my own? 

Here I am, trying to pick myself up again. 

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