Say what I feel

Do you ever have an "X" topic in your conversations? "X" topic means a topic which should not be brought up. It would probably lead to awkward moments or getting nowhere around that topic. Or maybe something that you will regret after saying? Today, I did it. The "X" topic for me is the proposal. I'm not sure why and I just poured out how I really felt with proposal while knowing we are gonna try for bto in Nov. Maybe it's really about how I look at it. What really shocked or rather comforted me was his words, which moved me. Knowing that I would lead myself to wilderness thoughts, he kept reassuring that "he's ready" and "can you dont think in such a manner?" to get me back to reality.  知足常乐, I'm really blessed to have him.

Today, I felt that I need a space for me to type down my deepest thoughts and to channel my frustrations.  Sometimes, I feel frustrated easily and I just wanna shout it out loud. If I were to really do that, I might be hurting feelings of others or things might turn out worse...  Can we just stay young and carefree forever? Can we really do whatever we want in our lives?  Its not as easy as it seems like it. I could be happy now, but frustrated and sad at the next sec. To be honest, I'm really excited and happy with all the discussions while having more in mind to look forward for our future. Just thinking of present and be positive as long as i'm with him. But things don't turn out well and smooth like we wanted and that's when I would think, "Why must it be like this?! Why do we need to always listen to others?!"  Before creating this new blog and writing this post, I read my old blog posts and saw the young me. I had these thoughts... ...