Lowest point
It's been 3 months since my last employment (Newstead), 2 weeks plus since I ended GrabCar service. During this 3 months, I can say it's the start of my lowest point in life, in terms of financial terms. I'm soooo poor and it's really a "no joke" situation.
Negative negative negative, same goes to my emotional state. I felt the guilt swimming within myself everyday and together with my motivation level going super low. It's like they are hugging each other to bring me down more. I can get annoyed and sensitive very easily by any matters. I cannot get what I want by myself, I cannot shop as and when I like, I cannot be as initiative as before to set up dates. Because, I've no money. Not just that, I'm jealous too. Seeing proposals, ROMs, weddings, prewed shoots, honeymoons, baby showers... led me thinking, "when's my turn?". And then, the problem poured all over me again, "I've no money to do that."
I think there have been a handful of moments which I got irritated over money matters with him but I'm just gonna say this which triggered me to pen down this post. Today, another couple friend we know got engaged. I didnt see the IG post till he told me when I came home after class. I'm annoyed at myself cause I felt sad and jealous before I feel happy for the couple. What drove me more was him asking me on "how many carats I want?" And i just told him off with "i dont want it or any cause there will be as much disappointment with as much of expectation I have." I think I've hurt him with my words. After my shower, I was really feeling very blue. He kept trying to talk to me but I just wanna shut off.
I feel so sorry to him and at the same time so glad that he's still by my side supporting me, in all aspects. I'm way too far away to deserve such a man like him. I really hope this annoying feeling will go away soon!!!
Negative negative negative, same goes to my emotional state. I felt the guilt swimming within myself everyday and together with my motivation level going super low. It's like they are hugging each other to bring me down more. I can get annoyed and sensitive very easily by any matters. I cannot get what I want by myself, I cannot shop as and when I like, I cannot be as initiative as before to set up dates. Because, I've no money. Not just that, I'm jealous too. Seeing proposals, ROMs, weddings, prewed shoots, honeymoons, baby showers... led me thinking, "when's my turn?". And then, the problem poured all over me again, "I've no money to do that."
I think there have been a handful of moments which I got irritated over money matters with him but I'm just gonna say this which triggered me to pen down this post. Today, another couple friend we know got engaged. I didnt see the IG post till he told me when I came home after class. I'm annoyed at myself cause I felt sad and jealous before I feel happy for the couple. What drove me more was him asking me on "how many carats I want?" And i just told him off with "i dont want it or any cause there will be as much disappointment with as much of expectation I have." I think I've hurt him with my words. After my shower, I was really feeling very blue. He kept trying to talk to me but I just wanna shut off.
I feel so sorry to him and at the same time so glad that he's still by my side supporting me, in all aspects. I'm way too far away to deserve such a man like him. I really hope this annoying feeling will go away soon!!!
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